So it’s been a while since I’ve done an ‘update of my life’ post on this blog so I thought I might as well do it now just at around Christmas late at night.
So…… Yeah I dunno I can’t really say anything special’s really been going on honestly. It’s just been the same thing for the past few months of getting up, going to work, checking shit on the internet during my break, back to work, then coming home at around 6:00 pm and sleeping at 2:00 am. I mean I decided to take a vacation right now, so that’s a relief. The others at work were like begging to work during this time because they knew they’d be making a lot of extra money and I was just like whatever, so Mike didn’t mind if I chose to take time off at this time. (I guess I’m lucky that me and my family know him??) But yeah um other than that the past few months have just been normal and nothing special. December’s been a more of a meditative and ‘reflecting on myself’ month though, as usual. I’d rather not bore you guys with the details, and I know like a very few of you know, but the winter time, especially just at around Christmas/New Years is a VERY uncomfortable time for me. 6 years ago I had an incident (if you want to call it that) that really did change my life and the way I see things. In a very NEGATIVE way that is. After that I was basically not even myself, and I still think so even now. Again I really don’t want to go too much into it because it does get unsettling to talk about yeah… If it’s just one thing I learned from all of that and the mindset that I was given following what happened, it would be something like… The world and its people really aren’t as bright and happy as people say they are. Even members of your family have the power to ruin you if they want to. As long as you’re cautious with everyone and basically don’t trust anyone, you’ll be fine. I know that was probably worded really badly or something but I’m just starting to get tired… And gah I know those words aren’t something people would like to read during Christmas where things should be all fun and nice and whatever, but that really is how I feel. I mean yeah… I do like people and there are people that I consider as friends and stuff, but it seems like letting your guard down to even family can mess you up big time. And what sucks is all I get from people that know about it is pity, and that just makes things worse. I’ve had a wall around me for a very long time in my life, and only a few people have managed to put scratches on it. I really wonder how many more years I’ll have to go through before I can stop being all shaky and scared during the holidays. Sometimes I feel like I’m being overly dramatic, since people that have had the same thing happen to them have managed to really move on with their lives and stay strong. I on the other hand still look at the past and tremble at it. Wow and I liked how I said I wouldn’t get into it even more and there I go writing a massive brick wall.
But um yeah…….. That was probably a little bit of a downer and I should probably stop. Just yeah uh this time of year can be a difficult time for me guys (wow I have been saying time so much) so I’m sorry if I can be a little bit of a blah. Um onto brighter things, the rp community that Miru and I made has been doing pretty well! The somewhat small population is a nice thing to have, and I get excited thinking if it could actually get even bigger with new people joining. I also can’t really think of anything else to write about in this uh………. I started playing Persona 4 I guess and I’ve fallen in love with Daisuke the soccer guy. He is like a really big babe and I love him. Like I mean Dojima is already mine but Daisuke’s there on the side. He is just CUTE. Talking about anime/video game husbands makes me feel better this is a good thing I think.
And now I really don’t know what else to talk about so I will just end it here! Um I’m sorry if I’m a stick in the mud, but I really hope all of you guys have a happy holidays and stuff! I really wanna do my best to make this coming year great and stuff, too. So…. yeah! Oh and here have this picture again. I like this picture it’s like the picture I put in blog posts when I’m feeling FRUSTRATED or CONFUSED. I also realized that I was an idiot and was actually tagging these drawling posts I make with the names of the characters of the pictures of I attach. One that’s stupid because people that go through the tag obviously don’t want a wall of melodramatic writing to go with a picture. And two I realized the people that were liking my posts were only liking them for the picture which is actually kind of RUDE. ‘So don’t attach pictures’ you may say. But I like doing it…… And I’ve also been still getting the impression that some people both offline and online hate me in one way or another?? I’m still trying to figure out what I did wrong, but so far I haven’t been able to get an answer. Also yeah I do get into this sort of feeling where if someone just looks a little bit pissed at me or anything I’ll kind of freak out and claw at my mind to know what I did to make them that way so I can yell at myself for it. And wow look at me still going on when said I’d ‘leave it at this’. I will stop. Right now. And get to rp posts right after. Until the next ultra big post, which will probably be in 2012.~