Dear god I can’t believe the last time I’ve posted on this blog was like 2 months ago. This blog is just more of my uh… ‘Lots of typing and opinions’ blog anyway. …For the most part. But okay so I had my birthday today, which I have to say was pretty great. ~ I’m 19 now, but I of course really still feel like a baby honestly. I know when some people turn 19 or 20, they really think they’ve got the whole world to them and all of this, but I’m just really an apprehensive person overall… So, I dunno, things haven’t honestly changed so much for me for the past few months. I’ve chosen not to go to college, because I have no idea what I want to focus my studies in, and it’s like there’s some other thing that’s just making me reluctant to go. I feel like a NEET or something, seriously. No but I’ve still been social and stuff with people, I guess. I also got a job at a local bakery just recently, and so I’ve been having a lot of fun with that. I even get a chance to bake some of the stuff too, and I loooove baking. But yeah, I think it’s sort of funny because I haven’t been on MSN in a long time, but I decided to check up on it a few days ago, and people are like ‘Whoaaaa, so what have you been up to? What’s new?’ And I feel like I’m just disappointing them and making them bored when I say that honestly, nothing is new. I haven’t climbed the world’s tallest mountain, I haven’t gotten a new boyfriend, and I haven’t decided that I want to be the president of a company. Maybe I’m just too dull sob.
But throughout today, everything was nice and lovely. I actually woke up at like around noon and didn’t want to go to work, because I’m lame. But my family and I actually know the manager of the bakery that I work at pretty well, so he said it was ok. I mean he really did hook me up with the job pretty easily, since other people were wanting to get in, BUT he said he would want to set me up with something where I get paid a bit less than the others, which I don’t mind at all. I’d honestly feel like shit if I got some amount of special treatment like that. ANYWAY, so I really decided to just like keep to myself for most of the day. I read and then went on the computer, and I just wanted to be quiet. I really only went out to have dinner with my parents, and I thought that was just fine. And everyone on tumblr was so sweet telling me happy birthday and stuff, so that made just feel like uuuuu I’m so bashful. But, I dunno, it was sort of strange… Like, this is seriously something that’s been happening with me on my birthdays for a while now, but I just get this sort of feeling of sadness in the back of my head. Like I go through the day normally, but there’s just this sad thought or something that I can’t break out of. My mom asked me if I was ok, and I told her I was, but I honestly wasn’t really sure. I wish I knew just what it was that made me feel like that. I actually still feel like that now actually. It’s like things seem so colorful and nice at first but then you find out those colors are really just hiding a dull, black and white picture that’s underneath. I am suuuuuch a freak. But past those kinds of things I’m still really thankful and happy with everything today. Everything was nicely relaxing and peaceful for the most part, and that’s just how I’d like to spend all of my birthdays.